Idiocy and all his friends or Whinefest.
Why does this son of a bantha follow me around everywhere? Anywhere I turn, I'm surrounded by morons and their companions, or so it seems. Pretentious losers who can't seem to get lost fast enough. It's spreaded so far that my very own better half does not manage to perceive half of what's going on around him, and it's driving me insane.

I tend to have a pretty soft way of looking at things. Tend to, if you wish to put it that way, look very neutrally at everything and simply not give a rats ass about what people say and think. Or at least, I'd like to say and try to make myself believe that is the case. I can be calm as such at times, but mostly I'm a very pissy person. Very. So pissy even, that it's given me the nickname "kitteh of d00m", and I've earned my place as one of the heads of Bitches United (no need to look it up, it's a very small group of people (me and my entourage, if you wish), but we take pride in what we are and do; moan about everything and everyone that we find worthy of our smallest amount of time(oh, how sad we are, and yet, how amusing it is for us)). However, the last couple of weeks, I've been like a deity of calmness, and the colour grey seems to have been my domain. Nothing matters, nothing changes, music doesn't interest me as before, and I simply can't be arsed to care about stuff that piss me off anymore.

With all this said (alas, what an insight to my beautiful, fucked up mind you all got there), I'd like to point out that today most likely was the peak of all this. I spent most of it just lying on my bed, either looking out the window or up at the ceiling, and I thought this would keep going all day, evening, and night long. But then he came, and he pissed me off by not understanding anything, and now not even music can calm my otherwise easily calmed mind. Now, what goes through this fucked up little mind of mine is pretty much as follows.

"Why doesn't he get anything at all?"
"Why does one of my sweetest darlings of friends even bother trying to get anything into his head?"
"Why haven't I followed her tip? 'Dump him.'"

Ah, sweetheart, it is easier said than done. If he can change, if things don't end up as they have so far, how can I not give him that chance? I've thought it so many times before myself, why am I still in this seat? But oh, my friends. Love works in its mysterious ways.

Boldness be my friend.

Inní Mér Syngur Vitleysingur (Inside me a Madman Sings)

Cheerio.
Summer's here, at last, and I'm down to one post per month, if even that. There's simply too much happening, in combination with me being too damn lazy.

We're in the middle of June, as everyone ought to have noticed by now, and I'm busy working my arse off with something I never thought I'd enjoy. I'm working at a pre-school, which I have to say is quite alot more fun than my job last summer. I've never been much for things with two legs that are below 1.50m tall, also known as "kids" (and very short people (no offense, Jojo-darling.)), but I don't want to kill any one of them, except for that little brat a couple of days ago (which I didn't, so hooray me!), and they seem to like me as well.

I've got somewhere between fifteen and thirty drawings that they've made for me, and they talk about me when I'm out for lunch. :3 "No, you're not supposed to hit anyone, that's mean! Josefin taught me that. She's actually a teacher here!" That comment is curtesy of one of the more brutal and extremely energetic kids. Or, so he used to be, according to some of my co-workers. Apparently, he's changed drastically since I started working there. Ninni goes proud as hell.

School is, obviously, over. Grades 0-9 are finished, and the gymnasium awaits, where I'll be studying IT, Multimedia and Music. It'll be a nice experience, as long as I don't get complete morons in my class. If so, BU will have to take care of it (Kat, you know what I mean. ;3). My grades came out better than I thought, though neither arts nor English was raised a mark. I should be fine either way.

Alot of great cd's have come out too, one of which (obviously, the picture of today kind of indicates it) is Coldplay's latest. I haven't really fallen for the album yet, except for Lost!, Violet Hill (of course, though I find it a bit too played on the radio), and my favourite; Cemeteries Of London. Other bands and musicians that are played alot in my cellphone as of late is Regina Spektor, José González, Kristian Anttila, Lars Winnerbäck, Matt McIntosh, Metallica, Navid Modiri & Gudarna, Ok GO!, Rage Against The Machine and The Smashing Pumpkins. Normal mix, anyone?

Ninni adds; Beloved cellphone = dead. Ninni goes extremely pissy and wants to kill most living things. Ninni hasn't killed any living things (hooray me, again!), but does one hell of alot of ko's on Wii Sports' boxing.

Current phone (while my Nokia's being repaired) = my old Samsung (die, Samsung, die).
Current mp3-player (while my Nokia's being repaired) = some old crappy thing with one (1!!!!!!!(seven exclamation marks = insanity according to Jojo and her buddy)) gb.

I don't really see how I will survive, though I remarkably enough were able to adjust from my six gig mp3 to my two gig cellphone when the mp3 died and I got a new phone. But this.. this is just fucked up. For real.

Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.


Games I'm currently addicted to;

FFX (PS2)
Super Mario Galaxy (Wii)
The Legend of Spyro; the Eternal Night (Wii)
Bejeweled (PC)

Coldplay - Lost!

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I would cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserved
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Oh, and I'm just waiting 'til the shine wears off

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come a bigger one

And you'll be lost
Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Oh, and I'm just waiting 'til the firing stops
Oh, and I'm just waiting 'til the shine wears off

Oh, and I'm just waiting 'til the shine wears off
Oh, and I'm just waiting 'til the shine wears off

As it seems, I can only be arsed to write here once or twice a month, if I even get the time for that.

Summer's coming up, and with it, a whole lot of stuff to do. A couple of weeks in Kungshamn; possibly a couple of days at Koster; a trip with Marcus, Sebo, Kat and possibly Olof to Vättlefjäll for a couple of days of canoeing, bathing and mainly having fun; Stockholm (hopefully); the UK (hopefully); a couple of weeks of work; the Way Out West-festival, and hopefully (definitly) a lot of videogames. It's going to be one hell of a hectic summer, but it'll be oh so good. Nothing can ruin it this time. Nothing at all (not even you, you thinhaired bastard whom I hope will drink 'til you faint).

I'm currently in a very creative mood. Very unexpected, if I may say so, since I finished my book in artsclass (I put it all together with comments during the last five minutes I had of the day before I had to get on the bus), and have been pretty negative towards anything artistical. So, I'll blame my darling sister, who got me in this odd mood just yesterday, by recieving a bracelet that I bought a couple of days back while on a trip to Varberg with my class of seniors. (I hate that town, by the way. They pronounce everything wrong (vete (wheat), became vette), they look like typical Swedish Svensson-families, and everyone looked at me and my little gang of friends as if we just arrived from Pluto.)

Today I decided to actually do something with this newly found creativity, and it ended in three finished bracelets (one of which I've made before, but altered today), a pair of earrings, and a necklaxe. All five objects match one another pretty good, and in addition to the dress I'll be inventoring tomorrow, I believe it'll look great! I will - go figure - wear everything on this so called school prom of ours, which is more like a party. I, Sebo and Kat'll go together on this thing. The only threesome of the school. ;D Hopefully we'll turn some heads, but it's mostly a joke. Good friends in my heart.

Tomorrow I've got school, as usual, and during PE-class I believe we'll be rehersing dances for the prom? All I know is that I've got to do the beep-test tomorrow, but that's fine by me. In addition to that, I've got approximately six tests tomorrow, all of which I've studied for greatly. Two of which are in mathematics, three of which are chemistry, biology and physics, one of which are in my beloved subject m00sik. I hope it'll go fine. It should go fine. It will go fine. I've also got a minor essay about the novelist Paulo Coelho to write, and a novel in a true Paulo Coelho-spirit. It'll be hard, damnit.

Ah, yes, while on the subject of batteries (illogical connectioning ftw), Ninni now has lenses and will get a pair of glasses aswell. I've had problems with my eyes for a *very* long time now, and finally it's getting somewhat fixed. Problem is though, one of the lenses is a total jerk (named Herbert), so I'll have to call the optician tomorrow and sort it all out. It's not strong enough anyway, so it would have to get changed either way. The right lens however (Greger, my darling) is wonderful and luffs me much. I love it too, obviously.

This is more of a mental note to myself, so never mind it if you don't find it the least bit interesting.

- Biology
- Physics
- Chemistry
- Music
- Mathematics
- PE-class (IMPORTANT)
- Sit at Homo-stället with Kat, Sebo, Marcus and possibly Olof, with cookies and coke (everyone needs a comfy recess every once in a while)
- Prom-dress (sounds so posh. Ew)
- Jewelry for Kat
- Jewelry for Lena
- Meeting with Marie-Louise, Ulrika, Gunilla, Kat, her mom, my mom
- Call the optician
- Fix a present for *****
- Fix a present for Kat
- Fix those cinema-tickets with Kat
- Freeze the gym-cards (can't go right now anyway, too much with education and, well, life)
- Recieve updates about Hugo (my tame-moss that I'm co-parenting (I'm so freaking normal, you just have to love me))
- Fix the cellphone so it can get repaired
- NEW MUSIC ON CELLPHONE AND MP3 (IMPORTANT)
- Water the plants in front and backyard + balcony
- Clean my room (IMPORTANT)
- Finish off the drawing of a black and red fighting-chocobo
- Make more links for coming jewelry for Bekkish (possibly fix on thursday)

Erh. It looks like a lot, but I think I'll be able to finish it all off tomorrow. Hopefully.. Should write it down somewhere though, just in case.

Anyway, this entry became way longer than I expected, and way longer than it probably should be, which is why I'll cut it off somewhere around here. :3 Cheers!

Ambition should be made of sterner stuff.


Games I'm currently addicted to:
Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria
The Legend of Zelda - the Minish Cap
FFXII
Golden Sun


Okkervil River - Dead Dog Song

Sam, bless him, has died and left this home, the woodchucks running wild, the bushes overgrown. Slip unseen into the skein of trees, slide through dusky grasses and scatter his ashes. It's all over, he's never coming back. There'll be no more roaming. He was only here for fourteen years, and now the branches scratch my face and I can't hold back my tears. Long ago I'd see him running in the snow, he'd come in from the cold and he'd lie down by the stove. Pass along this loping road, the needley grasp of briars on the slope. He'd never been to church, so he doesn't have a soul. He isn't waiting at the place where all of us will go. But the woodchucks wouldn't run so wild, the bushes wouldn't be so overgrown if we were not alone. Bound unbound through the boundless air, remaining wisps of hair. Barking out through everywhere, the trees, the grass, the rain, and Sam in the air. He was in this world, by my side he was curled, but he came uncurled and this world holds him that much tighter.

Long time, no see. Or write. Same shit really. I don't have an acceptable excuse for not writing, except that I've had some finals and haven't really been at any kind of mental peak. Quite the contrary. Anyway, I've never found either to be a good excuse, so here I am, as coldhearted, coldblooded and psychadelically insane as usual.

During this montly-long absence I've found the time to celebrate my birthday, which (if I may say so) has been the best so far. My family and friends got me exactly what I wanted (including things from Body Shop, GH3, a new cellphone and Pocky(<3)), arsehole didn't call me to congratulate me (as he always has done before), and over all, 'twas a great success. I have also injured myself somewhat during these past weeks, including a lot of cuts on my hands and fingers, and a circular wound on my arm which I don't have the slightest clue as to how it appeared.

Wife is here, once again. And as usual, she's occupied the PS2. This time, just as the last, playing a game that she's claimed to hate for various reasons, one being "Guitar Hero is for the losers who can't play real guitar." She is however no longer like that. She now shows great envy to those who can play GH, and she gets utterly annoyed when she fails a song or a battle. I, as the arsehole I am, of course have to show off with my über GH-skillz. They're pretty much non-existant. I'm finishing off medium-difficulty today, so next bit will be hard. Sometime, someday, when I can be arsed to. But hey, it beats playing on easy. :3

Ninni is also in urgent need of money, for various reasons. One being the fact that she wants, and needs, a tablet. And preferably a scanner too. If you count those two out, she wants tickets to the WOW-festival this year in Gothenburg, and money for the trip to the UK, and more things from her lover amongst shops, Body Shop. Help her out and get a free cookie, for real! And a hug too. Look how generous I can be, sometimes, when I want to and need to be. Oh, I need money for more Pocky too. Thank youuu. <3 (Bekka, I'll save a dark chocolate-Pocky for you. *nods*)

Ah yes, I almost forgot to mention. This whole update is mostly thanks to my beloved sister Bekka. I would give you the link to her blog, but as far as I know, it's for certain people only. Ergo, she has a password and you're not good enough to get it. Don't we just love you?

Hm. Pretty long post today. Well, as always, the final will be the best part (orsomethinglikethat). Todays song.. I don't really have a song of today, since I haven't really listened to music today. <_< (pleasedon'tkillme,you'llgetacookieortodayssonganyway,promise!) Erh.. As the ultimate nerd that I am, todays song will be from GH3! Whee! *cough* Though I have listened to and loved this band since before the time of GH.

Cheers! :3
(oh, yeah, Domo-Kun says hi! He was named Eddie, and as far as I know, he likes the name. His arms have fallen off though, so superglue, here I come.) <3

Absence from those we love is self from self - a deadly banishment.


Games I'm currently addicted to:
GH3
FFXII
FFI
AoE2


Smashing Pumpkins - Cherub Rock

Freak out
And give in
Doesn't matter what you believe in
Stay cool
And be somebody's fool this year
'Cause they know
Who is righteous, what is bold
So I'm told

Who wants honey
As long as there's some money
Who wants that honey?

Hipsters unite
Come align for the big fight to rock for you
But beware
All those angels with their wings glued on
'Cause deep down
We are frightened and we're scared
If you don't stare

Who wants honey
As long as there's some money
Who wants that honey?

Let me out
Let me out
Let me out
Let me out

Tell me all of your secrets
Cannot help but believe this is true
Tell me all of your secrets
I know, I know, I know
Should have listened when I was told

Who wants that honey
As long as there's some money
Who wants that honey?

Let me out
Let me out
Let me out
Let me out


Ninni changes her mind!
Todays new song, or extra song, is.. *drumroll*


Massive Attack - Teardrop

Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath

Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Nine night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath

Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Water is my eye
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Of a confession
Fearless on my breath

Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Stumbling a little
Stumbling a little

"When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."
Old lyrics have a tendensy of catching up on you, and they always hit you when you least expect it. I get very emotional when a song I haven't heard for years comes on the radio or on my mp3. It just takes my breath away, how a song so good can be lost for oh so long in the massive musical libraries on the computer and on the purple little thingamajig that I always carry around.

Quite alot of music has been re-discovered from the depths of technology, The Editors being one of the lost bands. I haven't listened to them for several months, almost a year even. But this song, it goes straight to the heart and stays there, no matter what. Another band that has been lost for quite some time now is Broder Daniel, the indie-popish band from Gothenburg, curtesy of ~1990-2003. The whole subculture that had its foundation in BD is lost by now, only a few people left scattered across the country with stars under their eyes and black shirts with white band-logos on, but the music lives on. Or at least, so we thought. Anders Göthberg, guitarist in the band, is rumoured to have jumped off Västerbron this past sunday. I, as the main part of this country, found out about it yesterday, and many believed it was nothing but a bad joke. Sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case. From now on, BD seems to be but a dream of the past, never to rise again. It's.. depressing, to say the least.

I won't write anything lengthy today, mostly because I am addicted to the song Winter Rose by Firefox AK and Tiger Lou, and I can't seem to concentrate while listening to it. It's that kind of song where you just want to move around and sing and not think about anything at all, and it works wonderfully. Therefore, with nothing more to add, cheers people.

Give thy thoughts no tongue.


The Editors - Let Your Good Heart Lead You Home

You let the dark in, somehow
I feel the winter more now, more now

Some things do matter, a price to pay
We will find our own way, always

Sharks swim around your drowning soul
Let your good heart lead you home

Once you've gone, you can't come back
I am worried about you

Once you've gone girl, you can't come back
I am worried about you

For those of you who "just" had gotten used to my old blog, and expected to see both it and my posts in Swedish when you came to smurfremix, I can inform you that the old blog does still exist, under the name raspberryrape (thanks Nea, for the utterly odd name which I just can't help but love <3). I never write there anymore, and I never will either. Partly because I lost my password to it, and partly because Swedish is the ugliest language on this planet by far, Danish being an exception as it is the ugliest language in this multiverse.

"So foul and fair a day I have not seen."
Shakespeare could not have put any better words in my mouth to explain how this day has been. Woke up late, did nothing at all for quite a few hours but play FFIV, help Sami with FFXII, and eat. Finally went in to town around four, where we met up with Daniel. Hugs were exchanged, quite alot of them if I might say so, and we all ran around in town for a couple of hours without really ending in anything at all. At twenty to seven, Sami went home on the train and I went home on the bus, thereby leaving Daniel. Upon arrival in the hellhole, everything just seemed to slowly break down into pieces, nothing remaining but an empty shell of what I used to be. Mental breakdown ftw.

Now, quite a few hours later, I'm still shattered, desperately trying to find the pieces that I might have accidentally kicked under the bed and into difficult corners, unable to find what I was looking for. I lost myself, once again, but this time it will take longer to find the parts that went missing. This happens every now and then, when something terrible has happened or when everything just feels in vain. I suppose it is the last that triggered everything today. And because I am such a needy person, and my loved friend Jojo noticed that, I managed to make the one guy that actually might be able to put up with me sad, and I don't know what to do to make everything okay again. It just feels useless, as if it will break in a while again anyway. "If only it would bend and break" indeed..

As if all this wasn't enough, my ego reached previously unexplored heights today as I found out about things that I really didn't expect, at all. I won't go into details, but I felt betrayed and severely disliked. No one and nothing to blame but myself, I suppose. Mental note to self; Never ever think you're just that good, it will come back and haunt you. And, as many might have noticed by now, I'm in love with Shakespeare and specific quotes of his. Somehow, he managed to put words to the things previously impossible to explain. Feelings, thoughts, beliefs, facts and just common sense. I can't help but feel something bigger than just plain approval to what he's said and written, because saying you like or love the words and plays simply doesn't explain it well enough. It's a deeper feeling, of resemblance and liking, of which I can not get rid of.

I guess writing really does let out a few thougts. At least I'm not shaking anymore. To end this, a Swedish song by one of my favourite artists (both as an artist, and as anyother normal human being) will be todays song.

Having nothing, nothing can he lose.


Håkan Hellström - Magiskt, Men Tragiskt

Alla drömmer om fåglar även du även jag
Plötsligt hamnar man väl under en spårvagn
För vasastan är som Chinatown

Och jag dansar med en flicka, hon dansar mig galen
Sen dansar hon med Rickard på trottoaren
Men varför är vi inte fler
Och det är bara du som ler
Det måste vara nåt fel på er

För inget är logiskt
Inget är magiskt
Och det är så tragiskt
Så jag springer tillbaks till dig

Behöver lite kärlek från fel sort
Och sympatier från fel håll
Behöver lite kärlek från fel sort
Och sympatier från fel håll
Behöver lite kärlek från fel sort
Och sympatier från fel håll
Behöver lite kärlek från fel sort
Och sympatier från fel håll

Inget är logiskt
Inget är magiskt
Och det är så tragiskt
Så jag springer tillbaks till dig

Inget är logiskt
Inget är romantiskt
Och det är så tragiskt
Så jag springer tillbaks till dig

Ah, yes. A week off from school (well needed one too, if I might add), and my dear wife has come to visit me from Stockholm. Not legally wife, of course. It's just a matter of speaking. She immediately sat down by one of my beloved PS2's, at first to try out Castlevania(which she found dull and "not brutal enough"), after that FFXII(where she attempted to kill a nice little wyrm. It didn't turn out good. She was lowlevel, the fiend took her out with two punches. She gave up) and now she's stuck on Kingdom Hearts. She has eariler commented on the game being "too childish", with a bad story and not enough death. She changed her mind while playing, but you can still hear faint cries and somewhat louder shouts from the room as she gets beaten down by heartless and bosses all over the place. Progression has been made, though very slowly.

I, on the other hand, has found my way back to childhood memories. Yes, I'm talking about the SNES, and to it I have a whole bag full of games, just waiting to get re-explored as I dive further down in my past and what really got me into games from the start. I'm currently held up by Final Fantasy IV (my friend Keef's favourite), and after that it's really just a matter of what game gets chosen first. I have around fourty more ROM's to try out, and friends keep sending me more as time goes, so I doubt I'll run out of a timekill in the following few months. If anyone does have FFII on ROM though, feel free to send. I've only found copies (bought and/or downloaded) that say they are FFII, but turn out to be FFIV. A few times in japanese, as if the rip-off weren't enough. And no, FFIV and FFII aren't the same game. At least not as far as I've heard.

Not a very long post today, but I blame it all on my love for the games. Heck, I don't even have a song for today. It would be Comptine D'un Autre Été L'après Midi - Yann Tiersen, but that song has no lyrics so how am I to post it here? Hm. Well, that song still stands as todays first song, but I guess as a second I can put this..

Expectation is the root of all heartache.



Architecture In Helsinki - Heart It Races

And we're slow to acknowledge the knots in the laces
Heart it races
And we go back to where we moved out to the places
Heart it races
I bought it in a can and stirred it with my fingers singing
Boom dah dah dah dah dah dah
Boom dah dah dah dah
Threw it out the window
And lately you been tanned, suspicious for the winter with your
Boom dah dah dah dah dah dah
Boom dah dah dah dah
Legs like little splinters

And we're slow to acknowledge the knots in the laces
Heart it races
And we go back to where we moved out to the places
Heart it races
I sold it to a man and threw him out that window
He went
Boom dah dah dah dah dah dah
Boom dah dah dah dah
Made his wife a widow

Heart it races alone, heart it races alone
Heart it races alone, heart it races alone

Boom dah dah dah dah dah dah
Boom dah dah dah dah