For those of you who "just" had gotten used to my old blog, and expected to see both it and my posts in Swedish when you came to smurfremix, I can inform you that the old blog does still exist, under the name raspberryrape (thanks Nea, for the utterly odd name which I just can't help but love <3). I never write there anymore, and I never will either. Partly because I lost my password to it, and partly because Swedish is the ugliest language on this planet by far, Danish being an exception as it is the ugliest language in this multiverse.

"So foul and fair a day I have not seen."
Shakespeare could not have put any better words in my mouth to explain how this day has been. Woke up late, did nothing at all for quite a few hours but play FFIV, help Sami with FFXII, and eat. Finally went in to town around four, where we met up with Daniel. Hugs were exchanged, quite alot of them if I might say so, and we all ran around in town for a couple of hours without really ending in anything at all. At twenty to seven, Sami went home on the train and I went home on the bus, thereby leaving Daniel. Upon arrival in the hellhole, everything just seemed to slowly break down into pieces, nothing remaining but an empty shell of what I used to be. Mental breakdown ftw.

Now, quite a few hours later, I'm still shattered, desperately trying to find the pieces that I might have accidentally kicked under the bed and into difficult corners, unable to find what I was looking for. I lost myself, once again, but this time it will take longer to find the parts that went missing. This happens every now and then, when something terrible has happened or when everything just feels in vain. I suppose it is the last that triggered everything today. And because I am such a needy person, and my loved friend Jojo noticed that, I managed to make the one guy that actually might be able to put up with me sad, and I don't know what to do to make everything okay again. It just feels useless, as if it will break in a while again anyway. "If only it would bend and break" indeed..

As if all this wasn't enough, my ego reached previously unexplored heights today as I found out about things that I really didn't expect, at all. I won't go into details, but I felt betrayed and severely disliked. No one and nothing to blame but myself, I suppose. Mental note to self; Never ever think you're just that good, it will come back and haunt you. And, as many might have noticed by now, I'm in love with Shakespeare and specific quotes of his. Somehow, he managed to put words to the things previously impossible to explain. Feelings, thoughts, beliefs, facts and just common sense. I can't help but feel something bigger than just plain approval to what he's said and written, because saying you like or love the words and plays simply doesn't explain it well enough. It's a deeper feeling, of resemblance and liking, of which I can not get rid of.

I guess writing really does let out a few thougts. At least I'm not shaking anymore. To end this, a Swedish song by one of my favourite artists (both as an artist, and as anyother normal human being) will be todays song.

Having nothing, nothing can he lose.


Håkan Hellström - Magiskt, Men Tragiskt

Alla drömmer om fåglar även du även jag
Plötsligt hamnar man väl under en spårvagn
För vasastan är som Chinatown

Och jag dansar med en flicka, hon dansar mig galen
Sen dansar hon med Rickard på trottoaren
Men varför är vi inte fler
Och det är bara du som ler
Det måste vara nåt fel på er

För inget är logiskt
Inget är magiskt
Och det är så tragiskt
Så jag springer tillbaks till dig

Behöver lite kärlek från fel sort
Och sympatier från fel håll
Behöver lite kärlek från fel sort
Och sympatier från fel håll
Behöver lite kärlek från fel sort
Och sympatier från fel håll
Behöver lite kärlek från fel sort
Och sympatier från fel håll

Inget är logiskt
Inget är magiskt
Och det är så tragiskt
Så jag springer tillbaks till dig

Inget är logiskt
Inget är romantiskt
Och det är så tragiskt
Så jag springer tillbaks till dig

Ah, yes. A week off from school (well needed one too, if I might add), and my dear wife has come to visit me from Stockholm. Not legally wife, of course. It's just a matter of speaking. She immediately sat down by one of my beloved PS2's, at first to try out Castlevania(which she found dull and "not brutal enough"), after that FFXII(where she attempted to kill a nice little wyrm. It didn't turn out good. She was lowlevel, the fiend took her out with two punches. She gave up) and now she's stuck on Kingdom Hearts. She has eariler commented on the game being "too childish", with a bad story and not enough death. She changed her mind while playing, but you can still hear faint cries and somewhat louder shouts from the room as she gets beaten down by heartless and bosses all over the place. Progression has been made, though very slowly.

I, on the other hand, has found my way back to childhood memories. Yes, I'm talking about the SNES, and to it I have a whole bag full of games, just waiting to get re-explored as I dive further down in my past and what really got me into games from the start. I'm currently held up by Final Fantasy IV (my friend Keef's favourite), and after that it's really just a matter of what game gets chosen first. I have around fourty more ROM's to try out, and friends keep sending me more as time goes, so I doubt I'll run out of a timekill in the following few months. If anyone does have FFII on ROM though, feel free to send. I've only found copies (bought and/or downloaded) that say they are FFII, but turn out to be FFIV. A few times in japanese, as if the rip-off weren't enough. And no, FFIV and FFII aren't the same game. At least not as far as I've heard.

Not a very long post today, but I blame it all on my love for the games. Heck, I don't even have a song for today. It would be Comptine D'un Autre Été L'après Midi - Yann Tiersen, but that song has no lyrics so how am I to post it here? Hm. Well, that song still stands as todays first song, but I guess as a second I can put this..

Expectation is the root of all heartache.



Architecture In Helsinki - Heart It Races

And we're slow to acknowledge the knots in the laces
Heart it races
And we go back to where we moved out to the places
Heart it races
I bought it in a can and stirred it with my fingers singing
Boom dah dah dah dah dah dah
Boom dah dah dah dah
Threw it out the window
And lately you been tanned, suspicious for the winter with your
Boom dah dah dah dah dah dah
Boom dah dah dah dah
Legs like little splinters

And we're slow to acknowledge the knots in the laces
Heart it races
And we go back to where we moved out to the places
Heart it races
I sold it to a man and threw him out that window
He went
Boom dah dah dah dah dah dah
Boom dah dah dah dah
Made his wife a widow

Heart it races alone, heart it races alone
Heart it races alone, heart it races alone

Boom dah dah dah dah dah dah
Boom dah dah dah dah

Happy Easter, to those who celebrate. Personally, I do what I've always done, which practicly means food at home with the family, possibly an easter egg from my mom and/or my grandad, then off to the bonfire to see the whole spectacle down there and usually (hopefully) win a little something at the lottery. And, of course, fireworks. One thing I really do hate about this bonfire-thing is the small children who no one really cares about or takes care of on this particular night. They run around with home-made torches, throw things in the fire that definitly shouldn't be there (a white plastic garden chair last year, among other things (alot of "BOOM"s were heard, so I'm only going to asume hairspray-cans, fireworks and things alike)) and run in and out of people, zig-zaging between the legs and mainly being a pain in the ass.

I believe it's pretty obvious by now that I and kids don't work with eachother. My littlebrother Adam had a very bda tendensy of poking my eyes when we were younger, and when I actually did meet him (it doesn't happen that often, explanation might come some other time, if I have the energy to write it down or share it at all). I do wish I had appreciated those pokes a little bit more by now though, since I haven't seen him since god knows when. 2004-2005, perhaps? 2005, at christmas. Now I remember. He got a remote Volvo that he drove all around my gran's house while happily brumming like a little hummingbird. I belive I go gold earrings, which I couldn't have because my ears weren't even pierced. They broke a few months later anyway.

Kids have always annoyed me, and to the depths of my despair, they always seem to be able to hunt me down exactly where I can't run. Like the bus, for instance, or my worst nightmare; the train. Everytime I travel from Gothenburg to Stockholm and back, to visit friends and enjoy myself, there's a three hour long traintrip in it for me. On those trips, this whole world always work together to make it the biggest pain in the ass I can possibly withstand. Ergo, kids right inbetween four and eight years old. Preferably boys who run straight through the train non-stop for two thirds of the trip, while happily yelling and tripping eachother. The other third they sit on their seats like good boys, with the exception of the table. Oh, those wonderful tables whose sides you can fold up to have more room, or fold down so you can eat. Kids loves the noise those tables to when they come crashing down into nothingness, and every other passenger on that blasted train hates the kids for loving the noise, me included obviously.

On my last trip home from Stockholm, I had two kids just like that on the train with me, and I can't stress it enough how much they actually got to me. When I can hear them through my oversized headphones in which I listen to music on the highest volume, I think they're being just a taaad bit too loud. Okay, correction. I freaking HATE the things, and think you should strap them to their seats with a nice towel shoved tightly down their throats. Maybe not that harsh, but something like that. I hope you're starting to grasp just how much I hate children. But I have to admit, sweet kids do exist. My cousins, for example. I don't think I've ever met kids that cute.

Now, if everyone will excuse me, I'm going to lie down in my bed, fix the sketch of Cloud Strife to perfection (the eyes, I can't draw eyes for the life of me), possibly try to eat something, and play FFXII. I might pop by the pc later, to play Lufia and the Fortress of Doom or Illusion of Time on the SNES-emulator. If anyone has ROMs to send, please do. New games are always welcome.

Thine horrid image doth unfix my hair.



Hot Chip - Over & Over

Laid back
Laid back
Laid back, we'll give you laid back
Laid back
Laid back
Laid back, I'll give you laid back

Over and over and over and over and over
Like a monkey with a miniature cymbal
The joy of repetition really is in you
Under and under and under and under and under
The smell of repetition really is on you
And when I feel this way I really am with you

Laid back
Laid back
Laid back, I'll give you laid back

Over and over and over and over and over
Like a monkey with a miniature cymbal

The joy of repetition really is in you
Under and under and under and under and under
The smell of repetition really is on you
And when you look this way I really am with you

K-i-s-s-i-n-g
S-e-x-i-n-g
C-a-s-i-o
P-o-k-e
Y-o-u
M-e
I

I started thinking about what I to have to do (tell you)
I got to thinking that I mean just what you do (tell you)
I started thinking about what I to have to do (tell you, tell you, tell you, tell you)

I started thinking about what I to have to do (tell you)
I got to thinking that I mean just what you do (tell you)
I started thinking about what I to have to do (tell you, tell you, tell you, tell you)

Over and over and over and over and over
Like a monkey with a miniature cymbal
The joy of repetition really is in you
Under and under and under and under and under
The smell of repetition really is on you
And when you look this way I really am with you

K-i-s-s-i-n-g
S-e-x-i-n-g
C-a-s-i-o
P-o-k-e
Y-o-u
M-e
I

K-i-s-s-i-n-g
S-e-x-i-n-g
C-a-s-i-o
P-o-k-e
Y-o-u
M-e
I

Glorious spring, aint I right? Greenery developes and humid air slowly creeps up on us from god knows where. That's exactly how it was yesterday. The perfect day in spring, it seemed to be. Sunbeams, broken against branches and small vibrant leaves, slowly searching their way down to the ground, warming it and everything on it up until you just felt the happiness spreading through your body. It was almost so wonderful, you felt like skipping instead of walking. This is exactly how spring should be; warm, vibrant, full of happiness and love and joy. Unfortunately, things like those don't stay for long.

As I have previously mentioned, we haven't had much of a real winter this year. I doubt you can even call it winter when bushes that are supposed to lose their leaves in November still have them in mid-March. A few days of snow is what we had, a week altogether I believe. Can't possibly be more at least. Well, as it were, the weather decided we hadn't had enough. This decision was made today, and I can't really say I'm pleased with it. Try furious, and you're at least a little bit closer to what I'm currently feeling against this oh so wonderful country.

I woke up this morning to the sound of my beloved sister, waking me up with a smile and happily saying "Look out the window, look out the window!" I did, fifteen past six in the morning (I might also add that I wasn't to wake up until eightish, but obviously the weather didn't keep me in mind when it decided to be an arse). Outside a full snowstorm was in the making. White everywhere, and not the pretty kind of snow either, the gooey kind that sounds gross when you walk on it, as if you're walking on thousands and thousands of semi-rotten bodies. "Schlufs." I hate that snow. Hate it.

I got a mental breakdown. I'm not ashamed to say it, 'cause it's a simple fact and I do this alot. The fact that I got it because of snow surprises me little. I used to love snow, but.. too many memories and several happenings have changed that for a very long time. At first I was just sad, and angry. For once spring had decided to be just as I wanted it to. Almost no snow at all, warmth in March, and I actually felt good. All of that was replaced in a matter of seconds, into nothingness, darkness and intense hatred towards anything jolly and/or white. My sister thought I was angry with her, as I started crying and had trouble breathing over the rage building up inside. I was of course not angry with her, I love her. I was just angry with winter, and anything and everything surrounding the subject, snow especially.

I somehow got up at 8:30 in the morning, school starting at 9:10. Pretty tight. My mother had for some unexplainable reason cooked me an egg, made freshly squeezed orangejuice, and fixed me up with yoghurt. I can't explain how much that actually helped me through the day. Thanks mom. <3 I made it to school in time, only to find out that the lesson I was really looking forward to was cancelled, sickness being the reason. The day continued in the sign of peace, or at least for most of us. We did practicly nothing at all on any class whatsoever, nothing but talk and do one or two exercises. In English we didn't even do that. We watched Midsomer Murders instead (thank you, Kerstin, for a lesson that I didn't hate).

I'm at home now, finally, after walking home in the blazing cold, pissed off to the bones and mainly hating everything in my presence. I'm going to continue hating everything in my presence (except for good people, of course), and I'm going to do that by playing FFXII, killing everything I can get my murderous little hands on. Until then, have a nice time and for the love of everything you hold dear, don't say anything positive about snow to me, ever. Or I will (no joke) rip out your spine through your neck with my bare hands.

Thine horrid image doth unfix my hair.

The Cranberries - Cordell

Though once you ruled my mind
I thought you’d always be there
And I’ll always hold on to your face
But everything changes in time
And the answers are not always fair
And I hope you’ve gone to a better place

Cordell, time will tell
They say that you past away
And I hope you’ve gone to a better place
Time will tell, time will tell
They say that you past away
And I know that you’ve gone to a better place

Cordell, Cordell
Cordell, Cordell

Your lover and baby will cry
But your presence will always remain
Is this how it was meant to be
You meant something more to me
Than what many people will see
And to hell with the industry

Cordell, time will tell
They say that you past away
And I hope you’ve gone to a better place
Time will tell, time will tell
We all will depart and decay
And we all will return to a better place

Cordell, Cordell
Cordell, Cordell
Nana, nana, nana, nana
Nana, nana, nana, nana

Ah, yes. I've been away for quite some time now. That long even that I forgot my account password, so I'm back and renewed. And sick, again. Splendid, aint it? I was away for one week, more or less, to visit close friends in Stockholm, and while I was there this blasted virus decided to break out again. So now I've been in school one day total this week, and I severely doubt it will increase. The positive side of it all is that I won't get scorched once I do get back to school, 'cause wonderful friends have dropped off books and essays and work to do. Chemistry, english, maths, woodwork, history and swedish will now get studied in large enough portions.

I've been in several musical moods these last few days. The week started off with progressive metal, rock and things alike. It slowly developed into techno, electronica and further in that direction. Right now I'm in love with cute pop and rock and indie anew. The discovery of Bedroom Eyes, of Håkan Hellström's latest song, and the newly found Smashing Pumpkins (who have been lost in the pudding for quite some months now), brought me to this mood and now I just can't stop singing, skipping around, and coughing my lungs out dry. The fact that Way Out West already have so many bands signed that I've been longing to see only makes things better. I do miss Animal Five though, it would be sweet if they could come to Way Out West aswell, at one of the smaller stages. And Kristian Anttila, with his new album.

The only things that draws my mood back down to never before explored depths are my throat, which feels as if it's been pierced by dozens of razorblades, my nose that has given up on any kind of life completely, and my head that is officially ten sizes too small. And the weather that was a bitch a few days ago. Right now it's sunny, warm and I desperately want to walk around in town, Slottsskogen preferably. I can't. It pisses me off.

While on the wonderful topic of warmth and all too early spring; the cherrytrees are blossoming here (which made me think of the oh so wonderful song by Air - Cherry Blossom Girl), and so are a lot of other things as well. Not to mention that plenty of bushes have started developing leaves. Spring does indeed come early this year. Exactly twelve months ago, we had snow at least to our ankles and we wanted nothing more than for it all to disappear and be replaced by warmth, sun and greenery. Here we are, one year later, and we've had almost no snow at all. A week with the white stuff, at most.

At last, I will end this post, with a simple question. If you can find any (or a lot) of typos, please disregard them and keep in mind that I am sick, and haven't written or typed anything this long for at least two weeks. It's a good feeling, being able to just write it all off.

Were I like thee, I'd throw away myself.



Bedroom Eyes - Norwegian Pop

Songs we hold close learned us more about this life
Than those years sitting cornered in a class room
For every darkened time there is a tune
A soothing painkill safe to sink into
You might not always stand by me
But how sad a life would be with guarantees

Three-minute songs sometimes lasts a lifetime long
Safe in sound with Norwegian pop to stick to
Let's go where people are like you and me
The dance floor is a mess but so are we
She says "there's so much left to loose"
But tell me how could music ever fail us too?

Julie, this too shall pass
Julie, this too shall pass
Julie, this too shall pass
It's just another low, these never last